I have been burnt out for a while now. And not just from one thing. It is life in general. Everything at once. The kind of tired where you wake up already exhausted and you are not even sure why.

I do not always talk about this on here because honestly, when you are in the middle of it, you do not really have the words. You just feel heavy. A little disconnected. Like you are going through the motions but not really present for any of it.

But I figured I would write about it anyway, even if I do not have a neat ending or a list of things that completely fixed everything. Because sometimes it helps to just say it out loud. Or in this case, type it.

Why I Am Burnt Out: It Did Not Come From Just One Thing

That is the thing about this kind of burnout. Nothing dramatic happened. It was just everything slowly piling up.

The heaviness comes from home. From the place that is supposed to feel safe but does not always feel that way. For the past three years, I have been living in a situation that is cramped, uncomfortable, and honestly draining in ways that are hard to put into words. It is the kind of thing you do not always bring up because it is hard to explain without it sounding like a complaint. But it wears on you. Quietly. Every single day.

And on top of that, my unipolar disorder, which I was diagnosed with back in June 2016, has been relapsing. I have had seasons where it was manageable, where I felt steady and okay. But this is not one of those seasons. Right now it is back, and I can feel it in everything. In how hard it is to get out of bed. In how heavy small tasks feel. And in how easily I get overwhelmed by things that normally would not bother me.

There was no single breaking point. It was just everything, slowly, all at once.

The Sleep Thing (Which Is Not What You Think)

A lot of people assume my sleeping routine is abnormal because of work. I work remotely and my employer is based in the US, so people naturally assume I am up all night because of that. And yes, our daily huddle is scheduled as late as 2:00 in the morning. But my job has always been flexible. Every role I have had, including this one, lets me work anytime I want. The 2AM call is really the only fixed thing, and after that, I am free to sleep.

But I do not sleep. Not right away. Not always.

Because the real problem is not the schedule. It is what happens after the call ends and the house goes quiet. That is when my brain decides it is the perfect time to think about everything. The living situation I cannot fix overnight. Things I am carrying that I have not told most people about. The what ifs and the how longs and the I do not know how much more of this I can do.

I lie awake and my mind just goes. And I let it, because I do not always know how to make it stop.

What Helped While I Was Burnt Out

I am not going to pretend I figured it out. I am still in it. But there are a few things that made the weight feel a little lighter.

Gaming. When everything feels like too much, logging into a game and just existing in that world helps me more than I can explain, the same quiet comfort I wrote about before. There are no problems to solve that I did not choose. No tension in the walls around me. Just me and the screen and somewhere else to be for a while.

Going out for food. I am not the type to do long outdoor trips when I am burnt out. But a short trip somewhere to eat something I actually like? That I can do. Sometimes just leaving the house, even for an hour, and sitting somewhere that feels neutral and calm is enough to breathe a little.

Journaling. I do not journal in a pretty way with prompts and bullet points. I just write whatever is in my head until it starts to make sense. Sometimes it does not make sense at all. But at least it is out of my head and not just spinning around in there at 3 in the morning.

What I Am Still Figuring Out

I am still burnt out, and I still have not solved the big things. The living situation is still there. My illness is still there. And the overthinking still shows up at 2, 3, 4 in the morning on the nights when sleep does not come easy.

But I am taking it slow. Letting myself rest when I need to instead of pushing through and feeling worse. Doing the small things that bring me back to myself, even if it is just for an hour.

I am not in the part of the story where everything is better. I am still in the messy middle. And I think that is okay to say out loud.

Maybe that is enough for now.

If you are going through something similar, a situation you did not choose, a mind that will not quiet down, a kind of burnt out that sleep does not fix, I hope this reminded you that you are not alone in it. And if you have something that helps you get through the hard nights, I would love to hear it in the comments.